Breaking up is always painful and frustrating if you’re on the receiving end. However, we rarely think about how awful it can be for the person who actually initiates a breakup. Check out some of our tips to learn how to break up with someone in the kindest possible way!
The Stages of Breakups
If you leave your partner, you are going to cause them a lot of pain. Dumping someone gives you the control to end your relationship and move on. Yet, that doesn’t mean you’ll escape the clutches of grief, anger, guilt, and sadness.
Ultimately, you’ve probably had a great relationship with that person. You cared about them, and it’s quite possible that you still have some emotions for them. If you’re unsure of how to actually let go, sever ties, and recover afterward, you can follow some of our breakup ideas. We’ll break down what you need to do in each breakup stage!
Before the Breakup
Give Yourself and Your Partner a Chance to Fix Things
Firstly, try to prepare your partner for the breakup. Unexpected breakups are the worst, and they’ll take a big toll on anyone. Before you break up with your partner, talk to them and voice your concerns. Give them a chance to work through your problems.
It’s your responsibility to clear things up. You should include your partner in your breakup conversation, even if that means both sides will get hurt. This can be sad and awkward. But trust us, it’s nowhere near as confusing as an unexpected breakup!
Pick a Location
There are a few ways to go about this. Namely, if you don’t feel safe and if you worry that your partner might become abusive, choose a public spot. You can even bring a friend and keep them nearby just in case.
Conversely, if your partner makes you feel safe, pick a private location. That way, you can take your time and break up in person after a long conversation. If you live in separate apartments, have the conversation at your partner’s place. That way, you can go home whenever you feel ready.
Work Out the Logistics
This step is crucial if you share finances or live together. So think of a plan to cover the logistics. If you need to move out, think about where you are going to stay. This can be a temporary solution, like crashing at a friend’s place. Moreover, consider how you’ll split any belongings and resolve money matters.
Brace Yourself for Feelings on Both Sides
As mentioned, breakups will leave a lasting impact on both sides. Your partner could get hurt, and the news could be a shock to them. However, you will also get emotional. After all, you depended on your partner, and they were your emotional compass. After the breakup, there’s a big chance that you’ll be lonely or miss them a lot. However, if you took a long time to come to this decision, don’t doubt it afterward if you get emotional.
Give Your Friends a Heads Up
It’s always recommended to use the support of your friends. So share your concerns with them in advance. This could bring you clarity and support. You’ll get an objective opinion from the people that matter to you. Plus, when it’s all over, they’ll be there to comfort you and show you compassion.
During the Breakup
Start by Being Straightforward
So how should you start? This is the moment when you need to rip off the band-aid while being direct and straightforward. If you still respect your partner, be empathetic.
There’s no easy way to get going, but you can start with an honest statement saying that you want to end things, such as: “This isn’t easy for me, and hurting you is also hurting me, but I have to end our relationship.” Again, this might depend on the reason for your breakup.
Explain Your Thinking
You’ll save your partner a lot of time if you meet them face to face and cover all of your reasons for moving on. If not, your hurt partner could suffer a lot while trying to figure that out for themselves.
However, you shouldn’t try to point fingers here. Instead, tell your partner about your issues. Explain their impact on you. That could involve anything from you feeling unloved or hurt to having different goals or values. Plus, try to be as precise and as patient as possible.
Stick to Your Decision, Regardless of How Your Now-Ex Responds
The last tip in this stage is the toughest. If you’ve made a decision, you should stick to it. There are a couple of things that could happen here. Your partner could get sad or angry. They could try to beg or convince you to take them back. Also, they could promise a lot of changes or improvements.
If they start to act irrationally after everything you’ve told them, it’s best to remove yourself. Then, give them the option of one final conversation after they’ve had a chance to cool off. The key tip here is to be strong and confident in your decision. Don’t give false hopes to your partner or leave loose ends.
After the Breakup
Tell Your Friends and Family ASAP
Your friends and family will be there to help you. We recommend you tell them about the breakup straight away. You don’t have to share the news on social media, but you could meet with your inner circle. Your breakup can make you feel isolated and lonely, so try to spend quality time with a trusted friend. Even if you prefer to be alone, it won’t hurt if you call them and connect with them.
Prioritize Your Physical and Emotional Health
Focusing on emotional and physical health will improve your coping skills. For one, you can use exercise or diets as an outlet or as a means of distancing yourself from the breakup. Conversely, you could give yourself the time to grieve and cry.
Furthermore, get enough sleep and try to spend time with friends. Breakups can lead to many personal issues like isolation or depression. That’s why it’s important to set some time away for yourself. Lastly, don’t turn alcohol, drugs, and rebound sex into coping mechanisms.
Make a Game Plan for Social Media
Lots of people ignore this step, but it can cause some inconveniences. Consider whether or not you want to include your ex on your social media pages. If not, you can always unfriend them. After a while, you can add them back if you feel that you are ready to become friends.
Additionally, if the breakup is mutual or amicable, talk to your ex about changing your relationship status. Plus, inform your closest friends and family members first before you share the news online. Regarding photos, save them on your computer and delete them from your social media profiles so that you can move on.
If You’re Having Second Thoughts, Give Yourself Time to Know for Sure
Finally, there’s a big chance that you could feel a lot of regrets. Second thoughts are normal. However, you should allow some time to pass to see how you truly feel.
If you still have serious regrets after a few months, you should talk to your ex. Those feelings can pass quickly, but if they persist, you could realize that you’ve made a mistake, and you could try to get your partner back. However, do this only if you’re absolutely sure that things will be different and that you truly want to be with that person again.
Hopefully, you can use our tips to end on a positive note without making the person feel rejected, hurt, or unwanted. Just remember to cover all of our tips and be clear and concise. Good luck!