Tough Breakup? Make Moving On Easier With These Proven Tips!
Breakups are the worst. That’s especially true if you’re not the instigator. Damn, that hurts! Every failed relationship hurts, no matter how invested you were.
Sure, getting over a previous relationship that lasted for years and was full of love and devotion is much harder than getting over a fling. But still, negative emotions are pretty much a constant presence after any breakup.
The bad news is that there really is no shortcut that will get you from a broken heart to a healthy, happy place. The healing process takes time and space.
Although breakups leave us room to improve ourselves, it’s kind of hard to look at them that way. Sure, we could rebrand, figure out what we want, and ultimately start the journey there, but because we’re still feeling the absence of a person that was dear to us, we can’t.
So, moving on after a breakup is difficult. But why exactly?
Why Is Letting Go of an Ex So Hard to Do?
If you’re wondering what to do after a breakup, you’re probably smacked in the middle of the aftermath of one. So, you already know how hard it is. You’ve invested a lot of time and energy into that relationship, only to come out the other end empty-handed.
Yeah, the post-breakup blues suck. You spend all your free time thinking about your ex and wondering what you could have done differently. You don’t want to, we know, but you can’t help it because:
- Your brain reacts to rejection and breakups the same way it does to physical pain.
- You crave social connection and affection.
- You fear rejection and can’t get over it quickly.
- There’s a chance your brain is addicted to your ex-partner (or at least it’s acting that way).
- You keep seeing your ex (in your social circle or on social media).
- You feel insecure, and as if no one will love you again, so you’re desperately holding onto the person who already does.
- Even though your friends and family encourage you, you’re stopping yourself from meeting new people because you’re scared of getting hurt again.
How to Move On — Best Tips
To truly let go of a past lover, you first have to mourn them. Breaking up with someone might not be as hard as losing a loved one, but it requires a similar grieving process.
Accept the Breakup
If you keep thinking about what-ifs and could-have-beens or imagining scenarios where your ex comes crawling back to you, and you welcome them with a lecture and wide-open arms, then you haven’t really accepted your breakup. In other words, you’re still in the bargaining stage of grieving.
That particular person is no longer a part of your daily routine, and that chapter of your life is over. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to live your life to the fullest again.
Distance Yourself From Your Ex
If you and your ex have the same social circle, distancing yourself from them might be more challenging. However, it needs to be done. Prioritize your mental health and healing process and stop coming to get-togethers that include your ex.
This doesn’t have to be a permanent change, but you need to give yourself time and space. Your close friends will understand.
Avoid Talking About Them
The more you talk about your ex, the harder it will be to get over them. By continually going over what happened and mentioning your ex, you’re keeping them at the forefront of your mind.
Don’t Blame Yourself (or Them)
Playing the blame game goes hand in hand with the bargaining. If you keep thinking that the breakup was someone’s “fault,” then you haven’t really accepted it. That means that there’s something to fix.
Change Your Routine
If you’ve just gotten out of a serious, long relationship, there are probably many things that remind you of your ex-partner. Everything you own, everywhere you like to go, and everything you like to do is “tainted” with their influence.
So, try switching up your routine. Go somewhere you’ve never been, change gyms, take a different route to work — anything that won’t remind you of them.
Spend Time With Family and Friends
Now that you’re single again, you’ll have more time to reconnect with some people you may have been neglecting. Call up your close friends and family and spend some time with them. That will not only take your mind off of your ex, but it will also make you feel good.
Go on a Social Media Cleanse
You’ll never get over your ex if you stalk their social media profiles. By continually checking how they are doing (are they doing better than you?), where they are doing it (you could have gone there together!), and who they are doing it with (you knew they were cheating!), you’ll never get to a healthier place.
So, get off social media…
Try Online Dating
…and get on dating apps! Many people have downloaded Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and many other apps to dip their toes back into the dating pool. Why not follow their lead?
You might not be interested in dating or having another serious relationship so soon after your breakup. That’s fine! By connecting with a few people on dating apps, you’ll get some attention and validation and feel attractive again.
But Avoid Casual Sex
Casual sex might seem like the perfect outlet for your pent up energy, but it really isn’t. There’s a solid chance that you’ll form a misguided attachment to the wrong person.
Keep Yourself Busy
Do you know that hobby you always wanted to take up but never had the time? Well, now you do. Try to spend as much free time doing things that bring you joy or try out new things.
Envision a Future Without Them
When you’re still freshly hurt after the breakup, envisioning a future that doesn’t include your ex is probably impossible. But is it really? Sure, you liked them or even loved them, but it’s not like you’ll drop dead now that they aren’t by your side. Do your best to envision how your future will look like without them. Stick to positive scenarios only.
The Most Important Tip — Finding Closure
Ideally, a breakup is a civilized and orderly affair. Two people discuss their feelings, needs, and problems, and part amicably.
However, that’s not always the case in real life. Breakups can be messy, and we often don’t get closure from our partners. We don’t get answers to our burning questions of how and why. It’s natural to need to understand how something happened and why, but, after a breakup, we often have to accept that we won’t get those answers from our ex-partners.
That’s why we must work on getting closure ourselves. By following some (or all) of the previous tips, you’ll not only be on the road to recovery, but also that much closer to getting that necessary closure. And after that, happiness awaits!